Hell in a Handbasket

Sten den Beste mostly writes about anime now. There was something he said when discussing the series Kaleido Star that I found interesting.

It seems that the series is written and drawn by Japanese nationals, and it is aired on Japanese TV. But the series is set in California, and most of the characters are Americans. According to Steven, the writers try to remind the viewers of the setting by having the characters be more familiar and less formal when interacting with one another. Although this is considered to be rude by the Japanese, we Americans have the opposite opinion.

Americans are known for being inappropriately familiar. Of course, it's our culture here: to treat a stranger with deferent politeness is actually rude, or at least it's standoffish. Depending on how it's handled it can come across as active hostility.

Being familiar with strangers is polite for Americans, paradoxically. It all comes from basic Jacksonianism and our fundamental belief in the dignity of the individual. I treat a stranger familiarly as a way of saying I'm proud of who I am and I grant that you are proud of who you are; I will treat you as a peer in order to indicate that I think you're just as good as I am.

If we Americans are deferentially polite it comes across as suspicion: I don't want you near me because I don't think you're worthy of trust. If we are obsequious to strangers, it tends to imply that we ourselves have no pride -- or that we're trying to put one over on the other guy and thus shouldn't be trusted.

So by default we are familiar because it's how we indirectly say, "You're just as good as I am". But that comes across badly to people in other cultures who don't understand how we think, and it's long been a real problem for Americans in Japan in particular, where extreme politeness is so deeply ingrained into their culture.

(If you want to read the post where this comes from, then please go to Steven's blog and scroll down to the entry dated 20061021.2220. There might well be a way to link to individual entries there, but I haven't found out how as of yet.)

I agree with Steven's assessment of our culture and why we are so familiar to others. But I would also like to point out that I am a bit of an anomaly on that I am extremely formal and polite to anyone I meet without the benefit of a formal introduction.

What do I mean by that? It means that I am very polite to anyone who doesn't give me their name. I use "sir" and "ma'am" in what we Americans would consider to be inappropriate ways, such as when I order a meal at a fast food restaurant. I make a point of showing my appreciation for every consideration that I get from others, and "thank you kindly" is one of my favorite phrases. (I first heard it myself when watching an old episode of Due South, so I decided to hijack it for my own.)

Like many of you, my first jobs were in the service sector. Dealing with the public is never easy, and I don't see any reason why I should let my own daily frustrations or any bad mood I might have ruin the day of someone else. Particularly since that person is working for low pay, and has to deal with jerks all of the time. I think the best way to put it is that giving a hard time to some poor sap who is chained to a minimum wage job and has to take it is nothing more than bullying.

I despise bullys. There is no way I'm going to be one.

It is a bit of a paradox that I don't treat people I first meet socially with as much courtesy. With them, I act with the usual American friendliness and familiarity. But they can walk away if I'm a jerk, so I figure they can take care of themselves.